Hey Baby, Whats Your Love Language?

The question of “what’s your love language” is a very important.  Love language is an interesting but beneficial in relationships.  We have all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.  Truth of the matter is, we all think differently and often times we assume what the other person wants or needs without really knowing.  In reality, what we may think our partner desires may be what you need but not what they need..  For example, you may like it when your partner does nice things for you and then you assume that is what they want, often times that is not the case.  How do we know what the other person likes?  Lucky for us we have an amazing tool created by Gary Chapman, the book is entitled, “The Five Love Languages” There are five love languages which are touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time.   The first thing you need to do is discover your own love language by answering a few questions.  The easiest way to know your partners love language is to have them answer the same questions.  However if your partner hasn't taken the 5 love language quiz, listen to them and discover their actions toward you.  Perhaps the actions your significant other displays towards you is that persons love language. 

Answering the questions is easy, just click the link www.5lovelanguages.com

I highly recommend that you know each other’s love language, it will create a very strong and loving relationship.

Don't Know Your Partners Love Language?

If you are not sure of the other persons love language, you may want to experiment, you never know, you may eventually get it right!

I took the test and My main love language is touch and my second is a tie between words of affirmation and quality time.  Happy discovery of your love language.

Cee Cee signing off for today!

Wedding Plans? Your Temple or Mine?

Is change coming to Mormon temple wedding policy

Mormon insiders are buzzing about chatter that the LDS Church may eliminate the one-year waiting period between a civil marriage ceremony and a temple wedding for members in the U.S. and Canada.

Right now, Mormon couples in many European and South American countries can have a civil ceremony and then, as soon as they want, go to an LDS temple to be united, or "sealed," in an eternal marriage. More Here at SL Tribune...

Who's Your Valentine?

On this day of hearts, cupid, candy, flowers and spending time with a significant other, who have you chosen to spend your evening with?

Many of you either went out with your significant other, some may have spent their time on the phone with a long distance friend, others with close friends.  In my case, I spent my evening with my son.  He is away at college two hours away.  The best part of the night is it was spontaneous and we had a great time.  We went to dinner and talked and laughed for a few hours.  I asked him it would be creepy to have dinner with his mom on valentines day, he said, "No Way!"  Wow, I have an amazing son!

Perhaps next year my son will spend Valentines with a sweetheart, which I hope that is the case, but for now, it was a very tender moment to spend time with my son.

Wherever you are, whoever you are, take advantage of spending time with your loved ones even if you don't have a significant other in your life.  Many people choose to feel sorry for themselves on Valentines Day because they are not in a relationship.  Quit feeling sorry for yourself, you only have one life so go live it!

LOVE TO YOU ALL

CEE CEE

GO FIX IT

Reading my co-bloggers post entitled “Keeping Yourself Pure During and After Divorce”, has ignited a desire within me to share the repentance process.   When sharing my own experience with my best friend, his response was, “Go Fix IT!” 

When fixing something we often think of fixing our car or leaky faucet, in this case, it is fixing ourselves and changing through the power of the atonement.

When one experienced divorce, suffers pain within their heart and soul  The feelings of failure and disappointment overwhelm you, wondering what you could or should have done differently.  In those moments of despair we must always place our trust in the Lord that he will take care of us.  Often times we find ourselves lonely and wondering why we have been forsaken and “ I just need to be loved.”  This is when Satan enters our hearts and tells us it’s ok to experience sexual experiences outside of marriage.  It doesn’t occur suddenly, it is little by little until you think you’re already there so who cares, I’m tired of trying to be good.  The rationalization that it’s ok and lying to yourself is not only hurting you and creating scars within, you are hurting the one who loves you the most, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Once you have entered the path of sin, it is easy to continue when you continue to lie to yourself.  However, after a while the depression and despair creep in and eventually the pain and anguish of the sins you have committed become real. 

Finding The Way Back

A talk entitled “Finding The Way Back” given by Elder Richard G Scott, in the April 1990 General Conference has helped me to know and understand the road back.  I encourage you to read it.  I have chosen to share a portion of his talk here on the blog. 

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1990/04/finding-the-way-back?lang=eng&query=fix+it#watch=video

I speak to you who find yourselves caught in a pattern of life that you neither enjoy nor want. You may publicly profess that all is well and reject the efforts of others to help you with a comment that you know what you are doing and can handle it yourself. Yet, in quiet moments, you know you are miserable, lonely, and sometimes afraid. You avoid thinking too much about what you are doing. The walls seem to close in around you. You are driven by appetites that bring momentary physical response but are followed by periods of deep depression. Let me help you as we reason together.

Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. (See 2 Ne. 2:6–8.)

When you are honest with yourself, you may feel afraid. To change will require you to take an unfamiliar path, and it is uphill and narrow. The other is so inviting, but it leads to heartache. None of your partners in error will help you onto the upward path. They think only of themselves. (See D&C 10:25.) You know the result of following their path—unhappiness, failure, disappointment, and greater fear. They don’t love you. They want to use you. Don’t listen to them.

When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on.

As you pray for help, the Lord will place in your path priesthood leaders who will counsel and friends who will give support if you’ll let them. But remember, they can only help by your following the rules that Christ has set out for the journey. Any lasting improvement must come from your own determination to change. (See Mosiah 3:17–20.)

Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. (See Alma 26:22.)

His Grace is Sufficient

One of the best talks I have ever heard that defines Grace is given by Brad Wilcox.  This talk was shared with me by my best friend prior to my sharing of my agony I was experienced.  I experienced so much peace after listening to this talk.  I share that with you here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLXr9it_pbY

Final Words

My final words on this post are this…GO FIX IT!  Find peace now, even though the road is hard and you feel you have gone to far into your sins or think the process through repentance may seem more than you can do, Imagine yourself in the happiest state you can possibly be in and always focused on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Picture yourself as Peter when he got out of the boat and into the fierce waters focused on Christ.  As soon as he took his eyes off of the Savior, he experienced fear and doubt.  Never turn away from Christ, always rely on him and never doubt or fear again.  And when you are doing all you can do and feel you can’t do anymore, remember He knows you and will never leave you.

Keeping Yourself Pure During and After Divorce

Working and talking with multiple Bishops over the years with my own journey through divorce and dating, I have arrived to some of my own conclusions and concerns of what middle age divorce and dating looks like. A huge concern that a Bishop deals with quite regularly is sexual purity or simply sex out of wedlock and breaking covenants. This is something that a Bishop deals with in the youth and the older folks. It is most likely one of their least favorite problems to deal with. When a Bishop becomes aware of people in his charge that are dating and becoming serious, he takes notice real quick and look for ways to communicate his concerns about staying pure. There seems to be a consensus that it is better to simply move along a relationship to marriage as soon as possible. Some encourage it civilly if the couple are waiting for temple clearance or cancelation rather than wait to marry in the Temple to stem the possibility of the pain and turmoil of coming to the Bishop and going thru a lengthy repentance process.

While this is probably good or bad and I might even disagree with speedy unions, this is not what I wish to address. Instead an even larger concern that Bishops should address is an area that seems to be severely overlooked, and that is those that are in separation or newly divorced. Having lived in the world, perhaps a little more than others in a military career, I’ve seen the effects of rampant divorce. I have seen what leads up to it and right after. All people regardless whether they are in this church or not, seem to lose their way and a moral sense of who they are for a period of time during this trying transition. It is at this time, that people are highly susceptible to sexual relationships and doing things they normally would not do. It’s a time when some think nothing matters, or maybe God really doesn’t care, or why did this happen to me and many other doubts and questions run through your mind, and it is easy to compromise ones integrity. Making poor decisions in despair, to get a fleeting moment of some self-worth or someone that cares for you more than your previous Companion should never be a thought or option.. It may become easy to seek mindless perhaps even emotionless sex to feel briefly good and appreciated by another. But do not do this, the despair and depression you feel will only be made worse and may even lead you down a path that you find it harder to return to who you were before and your love for the Gospel

Personal Purity
Elder Jeffry R. Holland


This is a dangerous time for all that Embarq on separation and divorce. It’s a time to bring oneself closer to God in all respects including prayer and scripture reading. We live in a life of free agency not just by our own decisions but the decisions of all those around us. Life is in constant flux of millions of decisions all around us. Because of this great gift of Free Agency that Heavenly Father has given us, it is not his fault that bad things happen, and adversity is part of the plan and is result of our actions and those around us. Do not blame God or distance yourself. When adversity happens it’s time to draw closer to him and the powers of Heaven. This will protect you during your divorce transition.

Healing Your Damaged Life

Elder Richard G. scott

It is in my humble Opinion, that Bishops and church leaders and Home teachers should pay special attention to those who are in this time of need. Why not reach out on a bi-weekly basis to check on these brothers and sisters now to make sure they are ok and staying close to their Heavenly Father than meeting with them on the back end as a Bishop in a state of repentance on broken covenants which only adds more turmoil to an already damaged soul.

Keeping yourself clean and pure during this time will help you in the end, even when it seems all is lost. Breaking commandments and covenants only adds to the pain you are experiencing. Besides your covenants with the Lord, worldly laws can be broken if you commit such acts during separation. Many states have Adultery laws which can be used against you and your divorce case which can severely impair the outcome of the final divorce including important decisions such as Finance and Child custody.

Be careful Brothers and Sisters and hopefully a few Bishops might read this and gain some wisdom in dealing with those involved with separation and divorce.

Further Reading

Surviving Divorce

Rebuilding My Life After Divorce

I'm Weird Like That!

 

I thought I would share some of my favorite weird thoughts!  Enjoy!

 

 

 

Why Rush into marriage? Take time to build a proper foundation

My contemplation of this topic has brought memories of painful events that I experienced and would love to share of what not to do.  I have made mistakes in the past courtships, however after stepping back and understanding what was missing I started listening to conference talks on this subject and reading and studying whatever I can get my hands on to learn and to grow from my experiences.  I have discovered some very important direction we are given by Apostles or in handbooks put out by the LDS Church.   

    When you meet on the internet or other means of dating and tend to let your emotions control your actions.  These couples have a whirlwind romance and race into matrimony without really getting to know each other.  I have seen couples get married in a week or a month.  Why do they rush into marriage?  Are they encouraged to get married or are they letting emotions take over? Many difficulties arise once the honeymoon phase is over because there isn't a proper foundation built during the courtship.  Several of these unions sadly end in divorce. 

 

There is direction and counsel regarding courtship that I choose to share.  The first comes from a general conference address from Dallin H Oaks April 2007 entitled Divorce

 

Section IV of his talk addresses Couples contemplating marriage.

I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.

The LDS Church has a handbook entitled “A Parent’s Guide” Although this is addressing young adults courting, it is great advice and direction for our age group for proper courtship and marriage.

        

Chapter 6: Mature Intimacy: Courtship and Marriage
www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/chapter-6-mature-intimacy-courtship-and-marriage?lang=eng

In proper courtship the partners must recognize that their first responsibilities are to encourage each other in righteous behavior and to sustain and support each other in righteous desires and ambitions. The young man will do anything to protect the young lady’s purity. Each partner will unselfishly seek the best for the other while they learn to know each other well. The unmarried couple can talk together without being required to agree, inviting free discussion from both sides. Each partner is free to express his or her full personality and to discover the personality of the other.

After researching online about the topic of finding love on the internet I stumbled across the following article from the New York Times.  I believe this article is very important for those who are meeting people online. 

On the Internet, Love Really Is Blind

New York Times

By JOYCE COHEN
Published: January 18, 2001

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/01/18/technology/on-the-internet-love-really-is-blind.html

EVERYONE has heard those amazing stories of online love -- the intimate correspondence, the heart-pounding first meeting, the walk down the aisle -- all supporting the notion that it can happen.

Just don't expect it to.

My hope in sharing this information will help many couples who are courting and think they can just jump into a marriage without taking proper steps to having a solid foundation to build on.  Often times in our age group couples think because they are older and have more experience than the young couples who have never been married, don't want to waste time and get married.  From my painful experiences I would recommend to take time out and pull yourselves from the honeymoon stage and experience each other in as many different situations, understand each other and know your partners love language. ( I will blog on this subject in the near future) Please meet each others family you never know how that will affect you.  If either one is divorced, make sure there is a healthy relationship between the ex-spouses.  They don't have to be best friends, but at least be able to speak to one another and be in the same room together.   I promise this makes a big difference otherwise you find yourself in extreme drama which can break down a marriage.  Make sure each person is mentally stable and ready for a life long and an eternal marriage.  This is extremely important, remember you can't fix anyone but yourself.  

CEE CEE has spoken 

I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee. How About C3PO?

We all remember that famous line in Star Wars between Han Solo and Princess Leia with thier constant banter of a love hate relationship thru out the Trilogy.. But now researchers are persuing the possiblity of Human robot relationships.. So if you are ready to give up on the possibility of a human companion, maye be a Robot one might be yours in the future.. Not sure you can do any Temple ordinances with said robot but here it is...

Introducing ERWIN, the robot with feelings

Crash and Burn

I wonder if all guys are this lucky in getting a date?  Just a thought!

What Does Your Dating Profile Say About You?

As you enter the online dating world or if you have already embarked into the online dating you may want to take a few moments to understand the dos and don’ts of the content and how you display and portray yourself.

 

 

There are a few things I would like to address in this category.  

If you are going to be on a dating website, don’t be there to be a stalker.   You know who you are..the one who creates a profile with no photo and the content says, “Send me a message and ask” Really?  It is rather creepy to know you are out there and all you want to do is look at the profiles and nothing else.  I thought you were on a dating site.

 You have all seen the profiles where the individual says, “I want” and then proceeds to list the qualities of the person they are looking for.  You may as well be at McDonalds ordering a Big Mac.  Seriously, do you really want to shop for a date?  Utilize words like, “The perfect mate for me is...” and then list the qualities.  When you personalize rather than shop, it shows what your desire is.

Remember to keep your profiles short and to the point.  Be creative, this is where you reveal your personality.  If you proceed to list your whole life history and everything about you, why bother going on a date, you have already given your potential date all the information she or he needs and most likely will not even read the whole profile because…yawn!!!

Whatever you do, never never mention your ex-spouse!!!!!!  If this is the case, get off the dating sites and go see a therapist to release the hurt and anger.  Once you are emotionally ready, then proceed to the online dating world.

If you don’t have time to date, why do you even have a profile, you know what I mean.  An example of this is:  “I have 4 kids, work full time, go to school full time, have 4 dogs, 2 cats, young women’s or young men’s president and my free time is working out at the gym.”  This kind of profile tells the person reading it that you are not available, not that you have a significant other but that time wise you don’t have time to date.  Get off the site, clear up your schedule, and when you have opened up your schedule, you will have the time and are ready to set up a new profile.

Photos are very important.  First of all, don’t use a professional photo, these show nothing about you except you can get all dressed up, have a professional photo that is airbrushed and doesn’t show what you really look like.  Make sure the photo is current, not from ten years ago.  Be brave and post a current photo of you that is taken by a friend or family member, not a professional.  I realize I am going against the E-Harmony advice, but you really want to present truthfully who you are.  I find it rather amusing when a photo is posted where you can clearly tell the body type doesn’t match the description in the body of the profile.  Be honest because if you are serious about meeting someone, you want to be who you say you are.  And what is it with the profile photos with sunglasses?  What are you trying to hide? 

Don’t brag about your work or how much money you make.  Are you wanting attract the gold diggers?  If that is your goal then go ahead, brag all you want.

 

According to E-Harmony advice there are five things of what not to say. 

1.       Never misspell a word or use incorrect punctuation.

2.       Don’t list every little detail about you, keep it simple and to the point.

3.       Never say what you hate, stay positive.

4.       Don’t say too much about work and family.

5.       Never say something so vague it might as well be nothing

 

Now that you have been schooled in the online dating profile, hopefully you will take the suggestions and create the ultimate profile which will hopefully have success in online dating.  Good luck and have fun!