Keeping Yourself Pure During and After Divorce

Working and talking with multiple Bishops over the years with my own journey through divorce and dating, I have arrived to some of my own conclusions and concerns of what middle age divorce and dating looks like. A huge concern that a Bishop deals with quite regularly is sexual purity or simply sex out of wedlock and breaking covenants. This is something that a Bishop deals with in the youth and the older folks. It is most likely one of their least favorite problems to deal with. When a Bishop becomes aware of people in his charge that are dating and becoming serious, he takes notice real quick and look for ways to communicate his concerns about staying pure. There seems to be a consensus that it is better to simply move along a relationship to marriage as soon as possible. Some encourage it civilly if the couple are waiting for temple clearance or cancelation rather than wait to marry in the Temple to stem the possibility of the pain and turmoil of coming to the Bishop and going thru a lengthy repentance process.

While this is probably good or bad and I might even disagree with speedy unions, this is not what I wish to address. Instead an even larger concern that Bishops should address is an area that seems to be severely overlooked, and that is those that are in separation or newly divorced. Having lived in the world, perhaps a little more than others in a military career, I’ve seen the effects of rampant divorce. I have seen what leads up to it and right after. All people regardless whether they are in this church or not, seem to lose their way and a moral sense of who they are for a period of time during this trying transition. It is at this time, that people are highly susceptible to sexual relationships and doing things they normally would not do. It’s a time when some think nothing matters, or maybe God really doesn’t care, or why did this happen to me and many other doubts and questions run through your mind, and it is easy to compromise ones integrity. Making poor decisions in despair, to get a fleeting moment of some self-worth or someone that cares for you more than your previous Companion should never be a thought or option.. It may become easy to seek mindless perhaps even emotionless sex to feel briefly good and appreciated by another. But do not do this, the despair and depression you feel will only be made worse and may even lead you down a path that you find it harder to return to who you were before and your love for the Gospel

Personal Purity
Elder Jeffry R. Holland


This is a dangerous time for all that Embarq on separation and divorce. It’s a time to bring oneself closer to God in all respects including prayer and scripture reading. We live in a life of free agency not just by our own decisions but the decisions of all those around us. Life is in constant flux of millions of decisions all around us. Because of this great gift of Free Agency that Heavenly Father has given us, it is not his fault that bad things happen, and adversity is part of the plan and is result of our actions and those around us. Do not blame God or distance yourself. When adversity happens it’s time to draw closer to him and the powers of Heaven. This will protect you during your divorce transition.

Healing Your Damaged Life

Elder Richard G. scott

It is in my humble Opinion, that Bishops and church leaders and Home teachers should pay special attention to those who are in this time of need. Why not reach out on a bi-weekly basis to check on these brothers and sisters now to make sure they are ok and staying close to their Heavenly Father than meeting with them on the back end as a Bishop in a state of repentance on broken covenants which only adds more turmoil to an already damaged soul.

Keeping yourself clean and pure during this time will help you in the end, even when it seems all is lost. Breaking commandments and covenants only adds to the pain you are experiencing. Besides your covenants with the Lord, worldly laws can be broken if you commit such acts during separation. Many states have Adultery laws which can be used against you and your divorce case which can severely impair the outcome of the final divorce including important decisions such as Finance and Child custody.

Be careful Brothers and Sisters and hopefully a few Bishops might read this and gain some wisdom in dealing with those involved with separation and divorce.

Further Reading

Surviving Divorce

Rebuilding My Life After Divorce