Why Rush into marriage? Take time to build a proper foundation

My contemplation of this topic has brought memories of painful events that I experienced and would love to share of what not to do.  I have made mistakes in the past courtships, however after stepping back and understanding what was missing I started listening to conference talks on this subject and reading and studying whatever I can get my hands on to learn and to grow from my experiences.  I have discovered some very important direction we are given by Apostles or in handbooks put out by the LDS Church.   

    When you meet on the internet or other means of dating and tend to let your emotions control your actions.  These couples have a whirlwind romance and race into matrimony without really getting to know each other.  I have seen couples get married in a week or a month.  Why do they rush into marriage?  Are they encouraged to get married or are they letting emotions take over? Many difficulties arise once the honeymoon phase is over because there isn't a proper foundation built during the courtship.  Several of these unions sadly end in divorce. 

 

There is direction and counsel regarding courtship that I choose to share.  The first comes from a general conference address from Dallin H Oaks April 2007 entitled Divorce

 

Section IV of his talk addresses Couples contemplating marriage.

I speak briefly to those contemplating marriage. The best way to avoid divorce from an unfaithful, abusive, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through “hanging out” or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances. Fiancés should learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be joined in marriage. In all of this, we should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.

The LDS Church has a handbook entitled “A Parent’s Guide” Although this is addressing young adults courting, it is great advice and direction for our age group for proper courtship and marriage.

        

Chapter 6: Mature Intimacy: Courtship and Marriage
www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/chapter-6-mature-intimacy-courtship-and-marriage?lang=eng

In proper courtship the partners must recognize that their first responsibilities are to encourage each other in righteous behavior and to sustain and support each other in righteous desires and ambitions. The young man will do anything to protect the young lady’s purity. Each partner will unselfishly seek the best for the other while they learn to know each other well. The unmarried couple can talk together without being required to agree, inviting free discussion from both sides. Each partner is free to express his or her full personality and to discover the personality of the other.

After researching online about the topic of finding love on the internet I stumbled across the following article from the New York Times.  I believe this article is very important for those who are meeting people online. 

On the Internet, Love Really Is Blind

New York Times

By JOYCE COHEN
Published: January 18, 2001

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/01/18/technology/on-the-internet-love-really-is-blind.html

EVERYONE has heard those amazing stories of online love -- the intimate correspondence, the heart-pounding first meeting, the walk down the aisle -- all supporting the notion that it can happen.

Just don't expect it to.

My hope in sharing this information will help many couples who are courting and think they can just jump into a marriage without taking proper steps to having a solid foundation to build on.  Often times in our age group couples think because they are older and have more experience than the young couples who have never been married, don't want to waste time and get married.  From my painful experiences I would recommend to take time out and pull yourselves from the honeymoon stage and experience each other in as many different situations, understand each other and know your partners love language. ( I will blog on this subject in the near future) Please meet each others family you never know how that will affect you.  If either one is divorced, make sure there is a healthy relationship between the ex-spouses.  They don't have to be best friends, but at least be able to speak to one another and be in the same room together.   I promise this makes a big difference otherwise you find yourself in extreme drama which can break down a marriage.  Make sure each person is mentally stable and ready for a life long and an eternal marriage.  This is extremely important, remember you can't fix anyone but yourself.  

CEE CEE has spoken